Blah, Blah, Blah
by EmilyTheStranger
Summary: A story for the millions of people who have always wanted to read a Q/Picard KeSha songfic.


Oh  
Ba da da da ba da da da da  
Comin' out your mouth with your blah blah blah  
Zip your lip like a padlock  
And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox

Q looked at Picard from across 10-Forward. He was gyrating uncharacteristically to the beat coming from the speakers. Q could not help but be fascinated; there was something to the way that the Captain moved the reeked of sexuality and caused desire to mount inside the god's breast.

"Jean-Luc!" he called. "Come here for a second!"

I don't really care where you live at  
Just turn around boy, let me hit that  
Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat  
Just show me where your dicks at

When Picard reached the corner where Q stood, he noticed instantly the lust that emanated from the other man's deep black eyes. "What is it, Q?"

"Oh, Jean-Luc, I think you can figure that out." Picard recoiled in horror as he felt Q's pelvis press into his. He was caught, however, by hands roaming down his abdomen. "I just need a little companionship! It does get so lonely here on your pathetic excuse for a ship. You humans have such _horrible_ ways to entertain yourselves. Although I must admit… I'm beginning to like this song if for nothing else than the way it makes you move."

"Stop this nonsense, Q!" Picard snapped, pulling himself away. "I am the Captain of this ship and I do not need to be subjected to such humiliations! I'm leaving." Q caught him by the waist as he turned.

"Oh no, Jean-Luc, I don't believe you are."

Musics up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough 

Stop t-t-talkin' that  
Blah blah blah

Q pulled Jean-Luc back into him and forced him into a deep kiss. At first, Picard thrashed and resisted, attempting to free himself from the god's grasp, but soon gave in to his hold.

"My, my, Jean-Luc, I do believe I felt a little tongue there."

"Shut up, Q," The Captain snapped, resuming the kiss. He was aware that they had attracted quite a few observers but he was no longer thinking with his brain. All the blood was rushing elsewhere. He pressed himself into Q, but suddenly, the other man pulled away.

"I think not, mon Cherie. I do not kiss men who tell me to shut up."

Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah

"Wha- what? No! You were just—"

"Ah, but that was _before_, mon petit pom de terre; a lot can happen when you insult your lover, hm?"

"You are not my _lover, _Q. Do not make that mistake."

"Strike 2!" Q cried, turning his face away. "Oh, I don't believe I can recover from such an insult!"

"I believe you can," Picard growled, reaching in between Q's legs. Q turned back to face him.

"Hm. You were right."

Boy come on get your rocks stuff  
Come put a little love in my glove box  
I wanna dance with no pants on, holla  
Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox  
So cut to the chase kid  
'Cause I know you don't care what my middle name is  
I'm gonna be naked  
And your wasted

Q snapped his fingers and the two rematerialized in Picard's quarters.

"Redeem yourself," Q ordered. Picard stepped towards the other man and kissed him deeply. Q pulled away almost instantly. "Oh, Jean-Luc, I don't believe I can do _anything_ with my pants still on. Do you suppose I should take them off?"

"Make it so."

Musics up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough  
Stop t-t-talkin' that  
Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah 

"I don't take orders well," Q said curtly, stepping back from the captain. "That's strike 3." In a flash of light, he was vanished. Picard looked at the spot where the other man stood, an expression of pained disbelief on his face. He looked down at himself for a moment, grimacing, before going to take a cold shower. 


End file.
